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Beltane: On Embracing Change
Tap, tap, tap. The hand of the barometer stirs into life. The arrow quivers, indecisive. It hovers, making up its mind and then swings, suddenly certain. Change.
One week in the lead-up to the Spring Equinox, Ostara, my partner sent me a video of the barometer I’ve just described in action at his Dad’s house. And that week, suddenly and seemingly all at once, everything did change.
It was one of those weeks where you’ve put all your irons in the fire after a run of bad luck and you don’t expect much - anything - but what can you do but keep trying? And suddenly, all at once, they’re hot.
It was one of those weeks where several things click into place at once, and then you can see the change coming and you brace yourself because then you feel like you’re not ready but you have to be ready and it arrives and that’s that.
It was one of those weeks where luck seemed to be on my side for once but of course it wasn’t luck but bloody hard work and the power of the universe and sheer determined not giving up.
It was one of those weeks where at the start of the week we lost out on a flat and I was ready to give up on my book, and by the end of the week we’d had an offer on a flat accepted and I was announced by my literary agency.
And since then, things haven’t really stopped. We are moving at the end of June, and my writing plans have gathered pace.
The former looks like a two bedroom, third floor tenement that needs a lot of love but has the good bones we were looking for, with period features (stripped wood floor all the way through! Cornicing! THREE fireplaces! I know, I can’t believe it either) and the chance to design and put in a kitchen and bathroom ourselves (it currently has very little kitchen to speak of). I can’t wait to show you more.
The latter is looking very exciting indeed… More soon.
And since then, my mind hasn't really stopped either. I’m feeling the high of Spring energy and adrenaline and plans and projects, and the low of creeping anxiety that accompanies my waking (and non-waking) hours, and the accompanying exhaustion of a racing mind. The semi-permanent state of what-if-it-all-goes-wrong-ness.
In a bid to practise what I preach in this newsletter, I’ve been reminding myself that this Beltane time of year, mid-Spring, is a time long associated with change and growth. A time of energy, abundant light and ascendance. These words from Jeanette Winterson’s recent newsletter particularly resonated when I read them:
“The weeks ahead are, literally, bursting with energy. Spring comes, whatever our personal state of mind. If you are feeling good about life, then the extra energy boost is there for you - but what if you are not feeling so good? What then? That’s when I have found that consciously tuning into the unstoppable energy of the turning earth gives me strength and gives me hope. It’s not just sunshine and warm air - spring can be wet and windy - it’s the sap rising, the green growing, the birds singing, it’s power, and it’s free to use.”
So in that spirit I’ve been learning to feel my feelings, to harness productive worry, tap into that free energy of the turning earth and get outside as much as possible. To enjoy our sweet view of Arthur’s Seat a little longer. To use Pinterest sparingly and avoid comparison traps. And to write, from the heart. To harness Spring power.
Change is coming. I hope you’ll follow along.